What is yours? Mine is mine. Let's share!

I am feeling very philosophical this morning and I've been having a fantastic night talking out my thoughts with the walls and with God. It's a good morning to be alive. Here is just one of my conversations:

Can't figure out what your 'specialty' or 'gift' from God is? You know, the gifts that God has given you; the talent He has possessed in you for His purposes? Neither can I. I just go where I am lead and where I think I should go. And, unfortunately, most of the time, where I want to go. I know that God is leading me there, or, at the very least, waiting for me there. If my specialty is only in a smile to a friend or a stranger, then so be it. If it is only in listening to you when you are in need, then so be it. If it is only in following you to help support you with your desires, then so be it. If it is only in helping to lead you to calmer waters where we can be surrounded with peace, then so be it. If it is only in planting that seed, not sowing it, or even watching it grow, then so be it. It matters not what we want our gifts to be. It matters only what we do with what we already have and what we have already been given.

If you are reading this, then you have been, or are a part of my life (and always will be, truthfully) even if just for a little while. Know that your specialty is greater and grander than you and I will ever know. So is my own. Walk with me, talk with me, sing with me, dance with me, love with me, work with me, play with me, laugh with me, cry with me, pray with me. I love you. And so does He.

What will you do with what you have today? I can't say I know the answer, or that I will even be a good example for anyone to follow. But, I will endure, and I will succeed. I will follow His love and discover, someday soon, His plan for me.

Like I could shut off my mind if I wanted to...

Sitting at work tonight thinking. The television is on, a client is asleep on the couch in the living room, and the others are asleep in their respective rooms. I've been asked before why I like the fact that working the graveyard shift in a group home for mentally disabled adults is something I like sharing. I'm sure it's just a self-gratifying and selfish reason, but when I tell people (strangers mostly) what my job is, they are either afraid of it and don't know what to say, or they think highly of me. It's such a nice feeling after having worked jobs in retail and customer service over the phone. People with 'normal' circumstances are seemingly so easily forgetful of the blessings in their life. And, yes, I do include myself in that equation. While I don't blame people for being frustrated that the gas pumps are not pumping gas quickly enough for them, or frustrated that their television receivers are not working correctly, I do not miss the manner in which most people (not all) talked down to me or treated their television service as having higher priority than their own children.

I have had people tell me that I should get another job right away; I don't get paid enough for what I deal with and there is a greater risk of communicable diseases like MRSA and Heb B than with 'normal' jobs. I agree that the pay is pathetic for taking care of the well-being of six human souls while they sleep, but there are other perks that have kept me where I am, for the time being. I have gotten free medical care for TB and Hep B and have received free medical training, including CPR certification and a Facility Assistance with Medication certification that is good for the rest of my life in the state of Idaho. Not to mention that I am allowed to eat whatever is reasonable on my shifts, and that has drastically reduced the cost of my grocery bills. I also love being awake during the witching hour, although nothing significant ever happens even though the house I work at is supossedly haunted. I'm a night owl by nature (or maybe subconscience choice) and I love the nighttime better than the daytime, anyway. There's something about the dark that makes me feel at ease and safe, like a soft blanket enveloping, hiding and protecting me from the harsh openness of daylight. It makes the universe appear to feel smaller than it is, and helps me to put things in my life into perspective.  

There are several downsides to my job of course, too. Like the cost of gas getting to and from work each day, and feeling underappreciated, but, as it stands now, the pros are outweighing the cons.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned so far working here, is that it doesn't matter what your lot in life is; everyone has the same wants and needs. People just have different abilities on how to obtain them.