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Showing posts with label friend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friend. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

What is yours? Mine is mine. Let's share!



I am feeling very philosophical this morning and I've been having a fantastic night talking out my thoughts with the walls and with God. It's a good morning to be alive. Here is just one of my conversations:

Can't figure out what your 'specialty' or 'gift' from God is? You know, the gifts that God has given you; the talent He has possessed in you for His purposes? Neither can I. I just go where I am lead and where I think I should go. And, unfortunately, most of the time, where I want to go. I know that God is leading me there, or, at the very least, waiting for me there. If my specialty is only in a smile to a friend or a stranger, then so be it. If it is only in listening to you when you are in need, then so be it. If it is only in following you to help support you with your desires, then so be it. If it is only in helping to lead you to calmer waters where we can be surrounded with peace, then so be it. If it is only in planting that seed, not sowing it, or even watching it grow, then so be it. It matters not what we want our gifts to be. It matters only what we do with what we already have and what we have already been given.

If you are reading this, then you have been, or are a part of my life (and always will be, truthfully) even if just for a little while. Know that your specialty is greater and grander than you and I will ever know. So is my own. Walk with me, talk with me, sing with me, dance with me, love with me, work with me, play with me, laugh with me, cry with me, pray with me. I love you. And so does He.

What will you do with what you have today? I can't say I know the answer, or that I will even be a good example for anyone to follow. But, I will endure, and I will succeed. I will follow His love and discover, someday soon, His plan for me.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

When The Universe Tries to Get Your Attention...

I can still remember the dream as if it happened yesterday. This is the first dream I have ever died in and I can still remember how it felt when the blade of the knife pierced through my mouth and through the back of my throat, pinning me to closet door.

At least it wasn't as painful as I thought something like that would be, but there was a lot of blood and a lot of choking for air. I was still fully aware of my surroundings and aware of how deeply it felt to be powerless to do anything about it. Then, the blackness came.

In this dream, I was a bodyguard for a mob boss' daughter. We were in a house on the ground floor. I can still remember exactly what that house looked like and could even draw a picture of it. In fact, I think I will. I am still shaken up about the dream, even though it happened about five months ago, and maybe seeing it put down on paper will help me feel like I have some control or power over what happened.

I don't know the name of the girl I was protecting, but we were talking in the foyer/kitchen area. Suddenly, there was a knock at the back patio sliding glass doors. We knew something wasn't right so we took off to a small living area at the front of the house by the front door. I glanced at the back patio doors briefly before running with the girl into that room. There was a woman dressed in a UPS uniform with a package. The blinds on the back doors were shut and so I only got a glimpse of the woman as she was trying to peek in.

I have no idea why we thought hiding in that open room was best option, but I think it had something to do with the element of surprise. There was silence for a beat and then I heard the sliding glass door beginning to open. Of course that door wasn't locked! Or was it? The woman in the UPS uniform called out to us that she had a package that was addressed to the girl. I don't remember if I said to just leave it outside or not. Then, there was silence. A long silence.

I did what horror movie characters should never do. I peeked my head around the corner of the wall and, almost as if it was in slow motion, I saw the kitchen knife flying through the air straight at me with the woman standing behind it in my line of vision. There was not enough time to act or move out of the way. The knife went through my mouth and throat and pinned me to the closet door. The girl I was sworn to protect tried to run. It was then that I blacked out, choking on my own blood.

My husband's phone rang at that moment and woke us both up. I think it was about 3:00 in the morning. His good friend, that he had known since Junior High, whom he also played music with, had called. My husband took the call into the living room and had about an hour long conversation. This didn't bother me except for the fact that my husband doesn't realize how loud he can talk, and kept me up for that hour. I wouldn't have cared too much, but I had to get up in about another hour to go to work. My husband talked about wanting to play and write music with his friend again, and that he would like to take a trip down to his friend's city to visit for about a week. Then I got to thinking:

Why would I have such a vivid dream like the one I had just had, it being the first dream I have ever experienced in which I actually died in? Was there a connection between the dream and the person who called? All signs were pointing to yes. Since music is the number one priority in my husband's life, and his music buddy called out of the blue at a random hour, what was the Universe trying to tell me? To my dismay, the Universe was letting me know that my husband's views (whether he knows them or not) about his music and myself could not co-exist. This leads me to believe that my husband feels deep down that I will either be in the way, get in the way or hold him back somehow with his dreams in where he wants to go with his music.

This is when everything that has lead up to this moment, really started to heat up.