When the Light

Read the description of the vid!

Please play this at my funeral, and the other songs I listed on FB. If I'm able to attend, I will appreciate it.

This is the song in question from my last blog.

Through God's Eyes

"You can't take anything with you, except the love. The love I have for you..."

When I try looking at people through God's eyes, this song by VAST comes to mind. I want this song played at my funeral. Everyone is so beautiful through His eyes, and when I allow myself to be open enough to have even the possibility to catch a glimpse of what He sees...it's an indescribable feeling.

The most beautiful woman I ever met was a few weeks ago while skating to work. We crossed paths on State St before reaching 18th, heading east on the left-hand side of the road. I can't admit to deliberately choosing to put God first that morning, but I was in a place that I cannot usually find when I am actually trying to. It's hard to describe. I wasn't thinking about it, I just experienced it. I was so excited that morning to be listening to music through my new headphones (which sound amazing) and excited to be able to do something that I enjoy so much and are able to use it to get me to a place that pays me enough to allow me to continue enjoying it some more.

This woman gave me the most genuine smile I have ever seen. I have no idea who she was, and by society's standards, her crooked teeth and "drug-like" appearance say that she is worthless and ugly. In the split-second or so that we shared a moment's eye-contact and smile, I saw a genuineness and pure loveliness that I have very rarely experienced before; almost like a wink from someone you are talking to let you know that you are included in the conversation and are the only two who know the meaning behind what was just said. It's a moment in time that only the two of you share, understand and comprehend. My only fear is that I was not able to give her a smile that expressed the same things she had given me.

The closest example I can think of to help better describe an experience like this was the day after Preview at Boise Bible College that I was allowed to participate in. I have never experienced the presence of God with a collective of people like that before, or since. It was, in simple terms, magical. I get to carry that feeling with me for the rest of my life.

While it's true that we cannot take anything with us when we die, I truly hope that I am able to convey the love I have for everyone around me and pray that they are able to take that love and use it to take them to places they never dreamed they could go.

The joy and sadness of music.

Why is it that wherever you are in life, there is music or there are artists that seem to follow you around like they wrote their songs just for you in your specific situations/worries/concerns/elations? I know what the answer is; it's just because we are looking for that connection to something, anything, to feel like we are not alone and so we hear what we want to hear within their music. Whatever the actual reason, I am glad that music exists and that I am able to create my own, as well as enjoy others' creations. Hopefully I do not go deaf or lose any fingers anytime soon!

The shadows are moving again, but...

The shadows are moving again, but I can't see them this time. They are not trying to show me their presence as they were a few months ago. Instead, they are carrying lanterns and offering another solution. One that actually makes sense. Terrifying, but understandable.

I dare not believe them, but I am intrigued - only interested in what God's part in all of this is. Is this the direction He is leading me to? If not, why does the answer seem so simple - a solution to suite the desires of everyone involved? I will not act upon desire alone...I am being called to a higher purpose than that...but what does all this mean?

It's the only solution that seems to make complete sense and would wrap everything up in a neat, tidy little bow. Or would it? There's something here that I am not seeing - like it's being hidden from me, yet I am continually drawn to it's ever promising prospects, despite how I personally feel about it.

It's been swell...

Oh, I have so much to write about, there is time, but not right now. I am hungry, thirsty and tired from a 12 hour day of finishing homework and the final exam for my math class...I don't think I've ever spent that much time on mathematics in one sitting before...I'm not even sure if I'm still here...I could just be dreaming, or just passed-out somewhere dreaming that I was working on math for this long...my assignments might still be due...only my final grade will tell.

I wasn't a straight-A student in High School (because I didn't apply myself), and I won't be in College (because I've already earned two B's), but I certainly aim to be, in spirit, if not on transcript. If I push myself beyond what I am comfortable with...then I know the growing and learning is continuing...and the calculator tantrums will occur farther and farther apart...yep. I did a good job, though. I actually learned things and pushed myself to try harder than any class I've taken so far...and pushed myself harder than any math class I've ever had before. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I am so totally awesome, regardless. I only need a positive growth of 0.92% to get an A...but even if I don't, I'm pretty sure I'll still be standing at 89%. It's not great, but it is fantastic. Yes, you read that right. But! Now...the only math I want to see for a very long time is Bach. No more equations and NO MORE story problems!!! Rawr! Save your stories for English; English = Words, Math = Numbers, Art = Happy Little Trees! Okay, I'm getting the evil eye...I better go. Have fun and stay hidden!

Heartless: The Story of the Tin Man

Had to share this! What a great short.

Heartless: The Story of the Tin Man from Brandon McCormick on Vimeo.